Dear Daddy – a Letter for you

Dear Daddy,

I've been your little girl since July 22, 1992 and now I'm 21 years old and now living far away from you. Maybe until this day, you've NEVER loved me the same way since everything that happened with Mama or even before you and Mama parted, but I still wait for that father figure from you.
Thru these years you've been there in body but NEVER there in mind and heart. I hope you NEVER regreted having 3 children with Mama and I hope you NEVER regreted having us in your life.

December 8, 2013 – I found out you were getting married again to a woman I haven't met or even know about. In a way, I'm happy for you but in another way, I can't accept it. I went so much thru your divorce with Mama and you NEVER asked me or my siblings what we wanted. You were NEVER there – holding my hand and saying sorry that you've hurted Mama and us, as your children. You've NEVER thought about us as a part of your life.

I've been hurt by you and your family, but you NEVER seemed to care. You would NEVER protect us from the words they would say to us. What am I to you? Who am I to you? Don't you see that I'm in pain? Don't you see all your children are in pain because of you? Maybe we hide it well, but you NEVER seemed to be aware of our feelings. You NEVER seem to be aware of anything that happens in our life.

January 4, 2014 – Two days till your marriage with a woman I don't even know. I feel bad I'm not there for the sake of my sister and brother. I'm hurt from a far. My heart is crying and you couldn't even hear or tell.
January 5, 2014 – One more day til your marriage with a woman I don't even know. I feel uneasy. I feel I just want to runaway from the fact your whole family is supporting you and nobody – I repeat nobody cares SH*T about us! My brother, sister and I. How do we feel? Do you really know? No you don't! Because you're only thinking about what you need not what we need.

Maybe I'm not living with you anymore, but as your daughter – I feel in pain! I feel disappointed. I feel ashamed. I feel I can never trust you or look at you the same way I looked at you while I was growing up! The dad I thought was great and perfect was actually – NOT. I have tears in my eyes and also have tears in my heart.

Hopefully that you are happy with your life with your new wife, but I hope you don't forget your duties as our father – to put us thru school, for your love and to be a father figure we always wanted you to be since we were born.

January 6, 2014 – The day has come and we can't back out now. We can just smile and pray for your happiness and nothing will happen to us in the future. Astungkara. ૐ

We're not stopping you thru your plan in life, but I hope you can understand our feelings. Today our life begins having a stepmom and today our life ends looking at you a different way with a different woman. </3

I could never say my thoughts in front of you and to your face because I've never got the chance and bravery, but I can only tell you thru this letter. Thru these words, I hope you can open your eyes to be the father figure we want you to be.


Jessica Ekarahayu A.